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Saturday, March 04, 2006

An American

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A gum-chewing American and a Belgian are sitting together in a restaurant.
The American feels really proud to be an American, so he starts a conversation.
He asks the Belgian, "When you eat bread, do you eat all of it?"
"Mais oui!, of course!" responds the Belgian.
"Well" says the American,"we only eat the soft part of it. The rest we collect in containers, take to a factory and put through a mill. What comes out are little breads that we sell in Belgium." "And what about steaks?" he continues."Do you eat all parts of them?"
"Bien sur! We do" replies the Belgian.
"You don't say!" says the American, grinning. "We don't! We only eat the meaty part of the steak. The greasy part we collect in containers, take to a factory, put through a mill, and what comes out are little steaksthat we sell in Belgium."
Now the Belgian is really riled.
So he asks,"And what do Americans do with their used condoms? "
"Hey, we throw them away of course," says the American.
"Ha!" exclaims the Belgian. "We collect them in containers, take them to a factory and put them through a mill. What comes out is chewing gum that we sell in America!"
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Microsoft - A rare pic

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Founders of Google

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Larry Page(L) and Sergey Brin(R), founders of Google.
Google was originally named 'Googol'.
After founders (Stanford graduates) Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor...
they received a cheque made out to 'Google' !...
So they kept name as GOOGLE

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Ayesha Takia

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A Fair Trial

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In a trial, a small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand, a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied,"Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died!
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said,"If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
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Mahima

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Mallika Sherawat - Red Hot

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Sushma Reddy

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In Hell

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A man,in his 40's,suddenly dies and finds himself in hell.The devil comes to greet him.
D: Welcome,welcome.You probably noticed by now,you're in hell.
M: Uh,yeah,bummer
D: Oh,hell's not so bad.For one thing,it's always warm here,you'll never be cold
M: Hmm,that's true
D: And we do lots of fun things here.For instance,do you like gambling?
M: YEAH!
D: Well,Mondaynight is gamblingnight!
M:Cool!
D: Do you like drinking?Whisky,wodka,rum,ya know
M: HELL YEAH!
D: Well,Tuesdaynight is drink all you can.Who cares,you're allready dead!
M:Wooohoooo!
D: Do you like smoking?
M: Uh!How do you think I died?
D: Well,Wednesdaynight we smoke all the best cigarettess,cigars and herbs.Who cares,you're allready dead!
M:Wow man!Hell sure ain't all that bad
D: Now,do you happen to be gay?
M: WHAAAAAT?No way man,I'm as hetero as they come
D: OUCH!You're gonna hate Thursdays....
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Friday, March 03, 2006

A hot pic

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Ayesha takia

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Thing’s a man shouldn’t say to a woman during sex

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“Oops! It seems to have come off.”
“If you come quick, I can catch the game on TV.”
“You look just like your mother.”
“You’re better than your mother.”
“Did you remember to lock the back door?”
“And to think, I was really trying to pick up your friend!”
“You carry on, but do you mind if I finish this book?”
“What’s for dinner tomorrow?”“I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs.”
“It’s my mobile! I must answer it.”
“I can see right up your nose.”
“Oh, by the way, the cat got run over this afternoon.”
“That boil on your chin looks nasty.”
“Did I tell you my aunt Agatha died in this bed?”
“Linda used to do that.”“Do you accept Visa?”
“It’s nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate.”
“I keep having fantasies about Barbara Bush,”
“Did I mention the video camera?”
“Hurry up -this room rents by the hour.”
“Sorry about that -must be the baked beans.”
“This would be fun with a few more people.”
“Try not to leave any stains, OK?”
“I’ve just thought of the answer to 3 down. I won’t be a second.”
“Shall! do my impression of Officer Dibble?”
“Do you know the definition of statutory rape?”
“Keep it down. My mother is a light sleeper,”
“I see that mad axeman’s still on the loose.”
“Is that it? Can I go now?”


Things a girl shouldn’t say to a man during sex:

“And yet your feet are so big!”
“Don’t worry, we’ll work around it.”
“I guess this makes me the early bird.”
“Try not to smear my make-up.”
“At least this won’t take long.”
“I want a baby.”
“Do you know the ceiling needs painting?”
“Maybe we should call Dr Ruth.”
“Is that blood on the headboard?”
“Did I remember to take my pill?”
“It’s just a rash.”
“Sorry about the name tags, but I’m not very good with names.”
“Does it come with an air pump?”
“But it still works, right?”
“Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?”
“But everybody looks funny naked.”
“Do you smell something burning?”
“On second thoughts, let’s turn off the lights.”
“You must be cold.”
“Don’t mind me. I always file my nails in bed,”
“Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.”
“Maybe it looks better in natural light,”
“Maybe you’re just out of practice.”
“When is this supposed to feel good?”
“It’s a good thing you’re rich.”
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Prince Charles marriage and the pope

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Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died

Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died
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Mamta Kulkarni - famous controvertial pic

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Kareena Kapoor hots up Maxim!

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Holy Water

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Nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. "And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
"Well," says the first nun in line," I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in holy water and pass into heaven.
The next nun admits that "Well yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged it a bit."
"OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in holy water and pass on into heaven."
Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well now, what's going on in here?" says St. Peter.
"Well your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "if I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her a$$ in it."
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Amisha

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Typical husbands…

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A husband is at home watching a cricket match when his wife interrupts: “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and says angrily. “Fix the light? Now does it look like I have Electrician printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.”
“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.” To which he replied - “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have fridge technician written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”
“Fine,” she says “Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re about to break.”
“I’m not a darn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have carpenter written on my forehead? Don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!!!”
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts feeling guilty about the way he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.
As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
“Honey, how’d all this get fixed?”
She said, “Well, when you left I sat outside and cried, just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either going to bed with him or bake a cake.”
He said, “So what kind of cake did you bake him?”
She replied, “Hellooooo…. Do you see Monginis Bakery written on my forehead?”
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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Bill Gates Strikes a Pose for Teen Beat Photospread, 1983

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Controvertial Pic of Pooja Bhatt

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Mamta Kulkarni

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Negar Khan

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Once upon a time in a bar

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Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"
Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was s-w-e-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
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Unbelievable Questions!!!

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Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )

Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI !
Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? :-)
Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener

Q4. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai!

Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India?? Socho...............
Ans:- HindustanLever (Leaver).

Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
Ans:- adidas

Q8. Luv and Kushare going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ? Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!

Now Kushalso jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.
Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??
Ans:- D'Cold chain ki saans - D'cold

Q10. chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite simple..
Ans:- D'Cold again kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi

Q11. Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the. Bus aayi - Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya- kyon?
Ans:- Because Mayuri 'can - go'.

Q12. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon?? think harder...
Ans:-Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha... Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe

Q13.! kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???
Ans :- Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!

Q15. Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade the... bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti Kapoor nahin jata Qyo???
Ans :- Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor dusri bus ke wait kar raha tha

Q16. Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the...bus aai aur Pran chad jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata Qyo???
Ans :- pran jaye per bacchan na jaye

Q17.Kapil Dev goes to Echo point and shouts loudly "Pamolive" But there dont come any echo sound why ?
Ans:- Because Palmolive ka jawab nahi !!
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Aish

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Wrong number

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Hi honey, this is Daddy…..is your mommy near the phone?
No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank” Brief pause.
Daddy says: “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank, honey.”
Yes I do. He’s upstairs with Mommy now.”
Daddy says: ”Honey, let’s play a joke. Put down the phone, knock on the bedroom door, and tell Mommy that Daddy’s home.”
”Okay, Daddy.” A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did what you said, Daddy.”
And what happened?”Well, Mommy jumped out of the bed, ran around screaming, then tripped over the rug and fell downstairs. She’s not moving anymore.”
“I’m sorry honey.
What about Uncle Frank?” ”He jumped out the back window into the swimming pool…but he must have forgotten that last week you took out all the water.
Swimming Pool ?? what swimming pool ?? Is it 212-5416-420.
Sorry Wrong Number.
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Ayesha Takia

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Riya Sen

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Monday, February 27, 2006

Sardarji drinking breast milk

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One sad day Sardarji finds out from his doctor that he’s going to die. He asks the doctor if there is anything, anything at all that he can do to save his life.
After careful consideration and analysis the doctor tells him that he’ll have to drink a milk off a mom’s nipples who’s just recently become a mom for three consecutive days and he’ll live.
Sardarji all depressed reaches home where his whole family relatives and friends are there to share their sympathies. One of his childhood friends tells him “Yaar, tennu pata hai teri bhabi da munda howa hai, teri jaan de khaatir tu peela dood usse.” Sardarji all shy goes “Mein bhabi naalaisa kaise karsakta hoon.”
Friend: “Koi gal nahii oyee, tere se bharke thorehi hai!”
So Sardarji goes into the room where Sardarni is lying on the bed. While sucking on the nipples he gets her aroused and when he’s about to leave, Sardarni goes “Sardarji taanu kuj hor chaiida te manglo?”
Sardarji: “Nahii nahii bhabii, tussi mere liye enna kujh kita, o bohot hai.” And Sardarji goes home.Next day he comes back and again Sardarni all horny says “Sardarji taanu kuj hor chaiida te manglo?”
Sardarji: “Nahii nahii bhabii, tussi mere liye enna kujh karde pe o, bohot hai.”
Final day Sardarji comes and yet again Sardarni is again real horny “Sardarji tussi roz aandeo, aaj te kujh hor manglo tussi” Sardarji: “Chalo tussi kendeo te dood naal biscuit hojaan te mazza aajave!”
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Miss Bin Laden (Osama's Niece)

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Useless Facts

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01) It is impossible to lick your elbow.
02) A crocodile can’t stick it’s tongue out.
03) A shrimp’s heart is in their head.
04) A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
05) On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
06) Rats and horses can’t vomit.
07) If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
08) Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
09) Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
10) If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
11) The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
12) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
13) A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.
14) Most lipstick contains fish scales.
15) Cat’s urine glows under a black-light.
16) Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
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Husband in hospital

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A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”
“What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to feel with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck, get the fuck away from me.”
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Never Giveup

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Madhuri Dixit

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Film Review - Taxi Number 9211 by Taran Adarsh

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With a title like TAXI NO. 9211, you expect a wacky film. Wacky it is, but there's more to this film than an unconventional, off the wall theme. The film borrows heavily from life, life in Mumbai in particular.
TAXI NO. 9211 is more of a Mumbaiya film. Set and shot in the metropolis, the film depicts a day in the life of two individuals whose paths collide on a fateful morning and life is never the same again. Though the identification for a Mumbai viewer may be tremendous, it nevertheless is a film that makes a bold statement about societal pressures and human conditions. And how external influences can compel an otherwise decent human being to do things that are despicable, shameful and disgraceful.
TAXI NO. 9211 may come across as an experiment in terms of material, but it signifies the changing face of Bollywood. Again, the material may seem soaked in Mumbai, but the soul is very Indian. The father-son relationship, personal equations that fluctuate with fluctuating bank balances/fortunes and the frustrations of the common man… the premise is so real.
In a nutshell, TAXI NO. 9211 may not boast of that archetypal masala Indian moviegoers have been spoon-fed for decades, but it's inventive and innovative. And, yes, it's thoroughly satisfying.
TAXI NO. 9211 tells the story of two men, both prey to anger, who get involved in an accident that brings out their worst qualities. They belong to the opposite ends of the social scale.
Raghav Shastri [Nana Patekar] is a short tempered cynic. He has changed 23 jobs in the last fifteen years. He is an insurance salesman to the world, but in reality, he's a caustic, instinctively witty cabbie who needs Rs. 30,000 to pay the grocery guy, the taxi owner, his kid's school fees.
Jai Mittal [John Abraham], the equally acidic heir to a resourceful business family [Aakash Khurana], has to go to court and prove his claim for Rs. 300 crores. Today is his last chance. A trusted aide [Shivaji Satam] of his father is the sole beneficiary. Naturally, Jai challenges the will in the court of law.
There was no reason for Raghav and Jai to meet. But circumstances bring them together. Now Raghav has something that Jai desperately needs [the key to the locker, where the will is safely kept] and Raghav is in no mood to return it. What follows is a cat and mouse game of one-upmanship, as Raghav and Jai go to increasingly unfriendly lengths to gain the upper hand.
Borrowing the basic premise from director Roger Michell's Hollywood flick CHANGING LANES [2002; Ben Affleck, Samuel L. Jackson], TAXI NO. 9211 defies the stereotype all the way. Not only does it boast of an innovative storyline [for the Indian viewers], even the storytelling is equally original. Right from the characters depicted on the screen to the hand-held camera movements to life-like performances, you need to watch TAXI NO. 9211 with no pre-conceived notions.
One of the prime reasons why TAXI NO. 9211 works is because of the unpredictable nature of the story. Right from the start, when an irritating John forces Nana to drive the vehicle faster, to the chaos that ensues, the first half of the enterprise keeps you spellbound.
A number of sequences stand out in the first hour:
1. Nana's characterization.
2. The conversation between Nana and John in the taxi.
3. John revealing Nana's true identity [he's a cabbie, not an insurance agent] to his wife Sonali Kulkarni.
4. Sequence between Sonali and Nana at the railway station, which leads to Nana bashing up a few miscreants.
5. The accident at the highway, when John's car loses balance and the speeding cars almost kill him.

The post-interval portions are equally riveting. The car chase between Nana and Sameera and later, between Nana and John, till a train bangs into Nana's car, is hair-raising. Ditto for the birthday sequence, which turns out to be the most memorable sequence of the enterprise. Even the end, when John tears the will on Shivaji Satam's face, is perfect. Also, the final sequence is worthy of note: John banging into Priyanka Chopra's car. Although Priyanka's presence has nothing to do with the plot, it does bring a smile on your face nonetheless.
TAXI NO. 9211 is director Milan Luthria's finest effort so far. The choice of the subject as well as the razor-sharp execution keeps you on tenterhooks all the while. Besides, Luthria presents the two diametrically opposite characters with utmost conviction. Rajat Arroraa's script is almost flawless. Of course, the basic nature of the theme would appeal more to the Mumbai viewer mainly, but the overall writing is foolproof.
Vishal-Shekhar's music gels well with the mood of the film. 'Bambai Nagaraiya' [rendered efficiently by Bappi Lahiri] is the best track, followed by 'Meter Down', which stands out also because of its snazzy execution. The song is sure to prove a hot favorite with the yuppie crowd. The background score [Vishal-Shekhar again] is trendy. Cinematography [Kartik Vijay] is of superior quality. The chases and stunts [Abbas Ali Moghul] act as an icing. Special mention must be made of the editing [Aarif Sheikh], which gives the filmed material that extra sheen.The performances are strong, especially those by the two leads. Nana Patekar, who never fails to give his all to a role, turns in another superlative effort, reflecting the despair and rage with brilliance. The actor is truly memorable in two sequences: First, when he lands up at his kid's school to bid him goodbye and two, when he breaks down while cutting his birthday cake. His witty one-liners are sure to bring the house down.John Abraham is eminently believable, enacting the role of a spoilt kid to perfection. With Nana as the co-star, you expect John to get completely eclipsed, but the actor stands on his feet and delivers a knockout performance.
Sameera Reddy doesn't impress. Also, she ought to watch her weight; she appears plump and needs better makeup. Sonali Kulkarni is exceptional. Her sequences with Nana are commendable. Kurush Deboo is first-rate. His sequences with both Nana and John are well enacted. Shivaji Satam gets minimal scope.Priyanka Chopra is there for star value only. Sanjay Dutt's prologue at the very start sets the mood of the film.On the whole, TAXI NO. 9211 is akin to a whiff of fresh air, a refreshing change from the mundane masala entertainers that you keep witnessing in rapid succession. At the box-office, its business at metros will be bountiful, with the business at multiplexes contributing enormously to the booty. Not surprisingly, its prospects in Mumbai will be the best due to the strong identification. Also, with no major release in sight for the next few weeks, the taxi's ride will be smooth, attracting hordes of passengers in the process. Strongly recommended!
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Preeti Jhangiyani

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Stammer salesman selling bibles

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A man came into a shop with a ‘Salesman Wanted’ sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, “I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b.” “I don’t know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment,” said the owner.
“I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!” said the man.
“O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them.” said the owner.
So the man went out and came back an hour later. “H-here-sss your m-m-money.” said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, “Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money.”
The owner said, “This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?”
“W-welllll,” said the man, “I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say ‘H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m’me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?”
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Sunday, February 26, 2006

Mahima

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Hrishita Bhatt

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Kareena drenched in water

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Riya Sen

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Shahrukh Pics from his school days

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Kareena

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Rekha from movie pran jaye par shan na jaye

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Amisha Patel

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Mallika Sherawat

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Bips does a JLo

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Remember this picture of Bipasha Basu? The one that was made so famous since it was part of Dabboo Ratnani’s calendar last year? Well, we did some snooping around and look what we found. A photograph of Jennifer Lopez, from where the inspiration has been drawn. And the desi version is an identical replica of the original. Even the costumes were not spared! It practically looks like a photocopy of the JLo photograph! How’s that for originality?
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